Most people just want to hear that someone supports them, that someone validates their ideologies. Politicians are very tactical in what narrative they align with and push out.
Listen to each other’s experiences and explore the ways some groups feel intentionally and unintentionally “othered” or marginalized. It is harder for you to fully understand their experiences while having limited to no interactions with them. You have to go out of you way to be exposed to their reality and learn from their experiences.
In order to maximize your learning about others, you need to listen without judgment or defensiveness. This does not make you weak. It allows you to view others’ experiences at face value and to learn from them without your objections. Most people put up walls because they are afraid that considering the views of others takes away their power. They feel they might be taken advantage of or lose their influence by being inclusive. It is important to confront those feelings and what influences them -- for you personally.
We all have our own ways to make sense of our realities and actions. We hold tightly to certain ideas, beliefs and objects because they help identify who we are. We create walls that prevent us from listening to others in order to protect our identity and the way we operate. We do this because we’re afraid that without our walls we might lose our sense of who we are.
Listening with curiosity expands our knowledge of others. It allows us to learn more and expand our perspectives. We have to instill the practice of listening into our interactions with others. We have to admit we do not know what we do not know. Taking ownership of this perspective removes the pressure of being right in the absence of what we don’t know. It also removes the feeling that, in order to make sense of things, we have to match the real experiences of others with our limited understanding of them.
How to Listen with Curiosity.
Tune out your inner voice while you are listening to others.
Visualize what the person is saying from their perspective.
Remind yourself it is not about you when you find yourself wanting to defend your perspective based on something said that does not align with your view.
Inclusivity: the quality of trying to include many different types of people and treat them all fairly and equally (Cambridge English Dictionary Definition).
Learn to Identify where You Stand Today with Diversity and Inclusivity
What is your perspective—and what influences your views—on inclusivity and diversity?
Where does it show up in your life physically?
Where does it only show up in your mind but not physically?
Where do you struggle with inclusivity and diversity?
The process of gaining freedom and power to do what you want, or to control what happens to you (Cambridge English Dictionary Definition). Empowering others who might be marginalized and not be fully represented within your community. It is important to keep in the back of your head that not everyone in your environment feels as empowered as you, or feels a sense of belonging like you do. It might be something simple, and seemingly insignificant, as the food served in your cafeteria or the types of cloths most people in your environment wear.
There are people in your community who do not feel empowered because of the social, race and economic constructs of your community. In order to change this, you have to be intentional in building relationships with them and understand their experiences in order to confront the environment constructs that are preventing them from being empowered. As you build relationships with others, explore what empowerment means to them. Advocate for a place that encourages such and environment.
Are you aware of people in your community who are marginalized and whose preferences are not represented?
Do you have friends/students/colleagues who might fall in this bucket?
What do you do to empower them?
What are you doing to not empower them?
Where do you see your school/organization missing the mark in empowering minority and marginalized populations?
What are some opportunities where you can empower them?
It is important to know your individual actions can transform an environment for others who might not see themselves represented in it. Create personal check-ins to evaluate how you are coming across to others. These check-ins will help you pay more attention to becoming a welcoming and inclusive person. Always keep this question in mind, when was the last time I got to know someone in my environment whom I didn’t previously communicate with?
I usually do not over analyze my creative process. Check out this behind the scenes perspective and the live performance. This was one of my favorite collaboration this year. Thank you to Joan M Talarico and McIninch Art Gallery for including me. The video of the performance was captured by John W.Hession. And last but not least Didier William for creating amazing art work and allowing me to respond to it.
Deo Mwano's Presentation at HOBY NH Leadership Summit focused on Social Justice. Deo unpacked Justice, Fairness and Favoritism. The workshop was an interactive workshop with large and smaller group discussion led by group leaders. He encouraged the students to get out of their comfort zone and even taught a little dance routine during the workshop. Check out the video below to experience the event.
Photos by Augustine Nyonzima
Growing up in America, I always knew my ticket out of poverty was a college education. When I got the opportunity to do so, I made the most of it. I learned a lot of valuable skills during my undergraduate years. I was placed in leadership roles, which helped to develop my motivational skills. I double majored in Political Science and Modern European History at New England College. I obtained my undergraduate degree a year early and decided to return for graduate school for my MBA in Strategic Leadership. I had a lot of momentum during those years building on my personal brand. And as busy as I was with course work, I always had a side hustle. I taught dance in three different studios to earn enough to cover my expenses and schooling. I had forged relationships with organizations in New Hampshire and throughout the country. They booked me as a speaker fairly frequently.
I knew that getting a degree would not magically open up opportunities. The summer between college and grad school found me a very busy man. Along with many other people, I applied for a job with a State Department program called the Pakistani Education Leadership Institute. I was selected to be one of the community advisors to work with 40 Pakistani leaders. It was an amazing opportunity because my goal was to work for the State Department full time after I earned my MBA. I hustled very hard to get this job. I had an awesome experience working with the Pakistani delegates. Blake Allen, the director of the program, hired and mentored me. She was an amazing person who allowed me to pick her brain every day. At the program’s conclusion, I returned home and got married. I got a roofing job with a contractor friend Rick who needed extra help. I worked for him for a week and a half before my graduate program started. I had no shame in my game doing manual labor, because I always knew that demanding jobs of any kind were building blocks for my career. I needed to take whatever opportunity was presented to me to provide for Kisha and me. Kisha was very supportive. She worked full time and went to school part time. We were excited to be married and tackle life together.
My graduate classes started in the fall of 2011. I was very pumped to take things I was learning and apply them to my speaking/choreography business, which was building steam. It was strange because when I was freshman in college, I had planned to pursue a State Department job either in Massachusetts or New Hampshire. Then, after getting a few years of experience, I would transfer to DC to work as a career Foreign Service officer. From there, I hoped to leverage all the benefits and knowledge I had accumulated to rise up through the ranks and become an ambassador. Ultimately, I hoped to retire from public service and get into higher education, becoming a professor and writing books. That was my master plan. I knew it was a lofty goal but I considered it obtainable.
In the meantime, I felt I was ahead of the game, because even after earning my MBA, I would be done with college in four years. Still, I felt conflicted. I was pursuing two different careers. One would test my diplomatic skills. The other would challenge my creative abilities. Both, in different ways, would utilize my leadership and presentation expertise. I was equally passionate about both career paths. So I knew I would allow nothing but time to come between me and my goals.
My speaking and dancing activities were very motivating because I controlled them. The people I worked with in this area regarded me as an expert. I liked that feeling of equality and respect. It gave me a lot of confidence to be sought out as a presenter, speaker and dancer. My good friend Tyler York decided to come on board to help me promote myself. He introduced me to his brother Travis who ran a marketing agency. I told Travis my story and the work I had been doing. He was pretty captivated. I don’t think he blinked until I was done with my pitch. Then he leaned closer to me and kind of smiled. “Your brand is Deo Mwano. Right? So you should be the public face of the brand.” His tone was matter-of-fact, as if what he was telling me should be obvious. In retrospect I guess it was. I just didn’t want people to think I was being boastful, or egotistical, splashing my name and face all over every promotional piece. “And go with the tagline you’ve been using, ‘Persevere to Excel.’ You’re the definition of persevere and excel.”
I left that meeting and reached out to my friend, Diego, a graphic designer living in Pittsburgh, PA. I related my conversation with Travis. A few days later, Diego sent me some sample logos. The first few were right on. We had to make a few small changes but essentially he nailed it. I started pushing the logo and slogan as part of the Deo Mwano brand. I made tee shirts and hoodies; I sold them at school assemblies and at my workshops all over the country. Tyler’s support and the tools I was learning in my graduate classes worked hand in hand. I tried applying every new class assignment to the work I was doing with my brand. We ran my website as a Facebook fan page first, copying the campaign run at the time by US Women’s soccer goalie Hope Solo. Her fan page had a few million followers. When you went to HopeSolo.com, it redirected you to her Facebook page. We replicated that. I always had content to share on social media. Through Tyler, I was able to land my first TedX event. TedX events, which are part of Ted Talks, which are locally hosted and organized forums that allow subject matter experts to present for up to ten minutes. It is a big deal for speakers who are trying to get their names out in public. I felt very honored to be selected to present at TedX Amoskeag the first local TedX event to be hosted in Manchester NH. The presentation was half-story and half-performance, and lasted 10 minutes. After it was over, one of the hosts reached out to Tyler and me. She worked for a speaker’s agency. She enjoyed my story and invited us to meet with the rest of her team in Boston. The agency liked our presentation, too, and decided to represent me . It meant that they would pitch me for potential speaking engagements all over the country. The agreement was non-exclusive, so I could book events on my own without violating agency policies. Shortly after the agreement was finalized, I got my first booking. I was paid $5,000 for one presentation. The agency fee was 15 - 25%. I was very excited to have an agency pitching me to different organizations. The non-exclusive aspect was beneficial because it allowed us to get our own bookings. This motivated me to grind even harder to push the Deo Mwano brand.
What energized me about creating and pushing the Deo Mwano brand was that it reflected what I believe in. It revitalized me to see my ideas turn into reality. I became a sucker for the process. I worked with different artists to tell stories, and with many different organizations both locally and nationally. I was very motivated by the creative process. Not every collaboration compensated me. I had to decide if people were just exploiting me for my story and their agenda or if they were genuine. I learned quickly who to choose for a partner and who to turn down.
Even with all the excitement about my new business taking root, I remained very focused on my MBA program. It was no surprise that I remained divided between pursuing the Deo Mwano brand full time after graduation and going the Department of State route. The first had a lot of financial risk. Nothing was a sure thing. I would have to push very hard to provide for my wife and me. On the other hand, the State Department route offered job security and amazing benefits. So, while pushing the Deo Mwano brand, I started applying to different State Department openings. I didn’t have any luck. Fortunately, I was still getting steady income from the hustle. By the time I graduated with my MBA, I was teaching dance at several studios to help pay the bills and I had a few speaking events lined up. I was a little frustrated that I did not yet have a secure job though. Many prospective employers were not even replying, and the ones who were interested in hiring me didn’t appeal to me. I did not want to compromise myself for a paycheck. I wanted to make sure the job aligned with my values and mission. On the other hand, my life had recently change in a way that dramatically shortened my timeline to land a secure job after becoming a father.
I applied for a Department of State job at the National Passport Center as an adjudicator. This job appealed to me, since it would give me an opportunity to use many of the skills I learned in college. These skills convinced me that I was a very marketable entity. I started to become invested in the possibility that I would get the State Department job. I was encouraged further when I received an automatic reply that my application had advanced to the next level. Even my was persevering on its own!
While I waited to hear more about my submission status, my former graduate school professor, Heather, was familiar with my Deo Mwano brand work, reached out to me about an innovative program that was starting at a local university. I was not too crazy about applying for a college job, but she convinced me that the program was different and I should send my resume. She mentioned that the college recently received Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation money to develop a coaching model for adult learners. So, I met with the Chief Learning Architect, Yvonne. She was awesome. We clicked very well, and she made me excited about what they were working on. I went back for a group interview and saw how hungry the other applicants were. I thought there might be something special here. They made me an offer, along with five other coaches, to help develop the coaching model. We were initially part-time but could log up to 30 hours and even work remotely at times. It was a perfect job for me because it provided me with flexibility. I still taught dance, and worked remotely when I needed to travel for speaking engagements.
The opportunities with the five other coaches were amazing. We had a blank canvas to design a model that was going to help thousands of adult learners succeed in an online learning environment. I was very inspired by the strategic approach, the design sessions and the influence and responsibility that were given to me. I never dreamed in a million years that I would have a chance to work in a university at this level so early in my career. I found my prior experiences working with different cultures and different types of problems helped me bring a very unique perspective to the team. The program started gaining steam and we took on more partners.
As time went on, I finally was contacted for an interview with the National Passport Center and was offered the job. I was shocked to be offered a Department of State job with a substantial pay increase every year. I could not justify turning it down. The hitch was that I needed to obtain a High Security Clearance first because my job would require dealing with sensitive documents. The clearance took another two months. During that time the university offered my colleagues and me full-time positions with benefits. However, I declined this because my dream job was to work for the State Department. Moreover, the government position was secure while the university project was not guaranteed to succeed or be funded for a long time. I decided to take the safe route. When my security clearance came through, I started working full time for the National Passport Center. Working from 6:00 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. allowed me to also work for the university from 3:30 to 8:30, as well as remotely on some Saturday mornings.
Adjusting to the new hours was quick and straightforward. Adjusting to working two great jobs every day was emotionally challenging. I was torn because I was not around my colleagues at the university during the day and felt I was missing out. I was still able to contribute, as most of the group meetings were in the afternoon when I was able to participate. All the students I coached were remote so I could schedule those calls whenever it was convenient for me and the students.. I was moved by my students’ stories, and coaching was very rewarding for me. I learned a great deal about people—and perseverance—through their tales of overcoming setbacks and challenges. I found myself digging deeper into the coaching model we were developing based on the milestones I was seeing my students reach. I wished I could spend more time them, hear about their milestones in real time. Missing a milestone was like missing your baby’s first steps.
After 6 months on the job, I decided to leave the State Department and join the university full time. This was a very difficult career decision, and so early on in my professional life, but it was the right one. In addition to my wife, I consulted with my mentor and my mother before making the final decision. They all gave me a green light regardless of which direction I decided to go.
I never looked back. I excelled at the university for three and half years. I picked up projects that were in my areas of interest. I worked with community collaborators who were not part of our corporate employer partners and helped design innovative models to strengthen relationships with organizations and students. I contributed to student engagement strategies that had a big impact on how financial aid was awarded to some students. I helped design a coaching program to train 150 of coaches to inspire positive results for over 4,500 students. One project I was very proud of was strengthening the relationship between the university and a school in Rwanda, called Kepler, which also had students who were refugees from Congo. The partnership grew strong and experienced many successes. I ended up having an opportunity to travel to Rwanda, visiting the program and celebrating the first group of graduates. Here was a fully accredited online American degree program—brought to Africa through virtual means—that changed the lives of hundreds of students by giving them the opportunity for western education. It changed my life, too.
The work I did at the university aligned with my values and my mission of helping others. It also contributed tremendously to the Deo Mwano brand. I was given an opportunity to develop and grow, to learn techniques and strategies for working with people, and to design learning approach initiatives. I was not going to learn those skills at the State Department, at least not early in my career. Most of the work I did at the State Department as an adjudicator was prescribed. I had a script to follow. It did not use all of my brain. The job was merely a stepping stone. It did not compare in terms of excitement and innovation to the work I was doing at the university.
At the end of my three and a half years at the university, I was a different person. My ambition for doing greater things was nurtured as I developed the skills to move forward and continue to grow. I developed awesome relationships with folks in leadership positions at the university. I consider them friends and we still collaborate at times. I have been able to incorporate much of what I learned from my experience at the university to the Deo Mwano brand, skills that enable me to deal with people and create safe spaces for them to share their stories and reflect deeper on what drives them.
It is a powerful tool to communicate with others in a way that empowers them to dig below the surface. Perseverance is a current that, on one level, is easy for people to see. But it is also an undercurrent, invisible to the eye. To fully tap into it requires introspection.
Empowering others to dig deeper has also transformed how I view others in their own situations. I have refined my listening skills. I am no longer a Level 1 or “internal listener” who is basically thinking about how a speaker’s words relate to him. I am both a Level 2 or “focused listener” and Level 3 or “global listener,” the former totally directing his attention toward the speaker and the later who, as a speaker, is able to assess the impact of his words on the listener.
I have also learned a great deal about problem-solving and solution-designing, and being able to view situations from a 360-degree viewpoint in a process that includes all the stakeholders. I changed a lot of my presentation approach based on my experience at the university. It change me as a presenter, forcing me to look beyond my story to help identify organizational objectives to make sure I always place my audience in the driver’s seat.
The secret to landing a career you want is being resourceful and knowing what your personal brand is. Stay true to your brand and your mission will flow from it organically. To put it even more simply: what you do is who you are.
In my experience people don’t aimlessly jump from one job to another because they keep following the light. They do it because they are operating in the dark. They have not yet discovered their own brand.
Knowing your own brand is essential because it gives you a point of reference to identify how it aligns with the work you are doing for someone else. When I first got out of college, finding what I really wanted to do was a grind. Once I discovered my own brand, all the pieces of my career began to fall in place.
The more comfortable you are the more authentic you will be as a presenter. This performance felt very organic to us. We kicked off Saint Anselm Springfest concert. It felt like we were just sessioning and having fun. We decided to stay on stage after our sound check and just danced and jammed out to the music as the audience were coming into the arena. We transitioned from jamming to the show once it was time. The audience already saw a little of what we can do and they were receptive and ready for our full show. We provided them with the behind the scene look by staying on stage and jamming out before our performance started. Before presenting or performing, I always look for opportunities to normalize the nerve and anxious so I can fully engage as me and put on a great presentation.
Building Wealth and Owning Something—on Your Terms
I came to America with nothing. And when you have nothing, an awful lot of people who mean well make assumptions, virtually all of them wrong, about what you need and want, Still, by the time I graduated from college, I knew how important it was to build a foundation for my family and me. In college, I was grinding to be successful so I could make the most of my future. When I graduated from college and got a job, I realized my future had arrived. I had to shift my primary focus from accumulating knowledge to achieving security for my family. I never overextended myself. My wife and I lived in a small apartment while I was finishing graduate school. We decided to continue to live there after I graduated to save money and work toward something of our own. I also felt like I had something to prove to myself. An opportunity to own a house fell through in the fall of my senior year in College, and that made me hungrier to buy a place to prove to myself that I could do it.
When I was growing up, my family and I never waited for people to hand us things. We never felt we were victims. We worked hard and accepted the reality of our limitations without letting them stop us from striving for more. My mother instilled in us this value: “A chicken does not eat more than it can swallow.” I held on to this value. We were always realistic with the plans we put in place in order to reach the next milestone. We admitted when we needed help or did not know certain things. My mother taught me to be resourceful, to always be open to learn and to find people I could learn from. We were fortunate to have people in our lives who advocated for us and helped connect the missing pieces.
One of these people was a man named Michael, who wanted to practice his French and help new immigrants who were resettling in NH. When he found out that we had recently emigrated to Manchester from the Congo—where the primary language happens to be French—he felt compelled to meet us. We hit it off right away and Michael has remained a close family friend. But we certainly had no clue when we first met that he would have such a big impact on our lives.
In 2007, Michael thought it would be a good idea to put together a small documentary about my family and send it to the TV show “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” on ABC. We did not think much of it, but we made the video anyway and sent it out. We told our story and showcased our dance skills. We didn’t hear anything back until the spring of 2010. A producer of the show contacted us and told us she loved our story and that we were a potential finalist. We were surprised to hear from them. They sent another producer and a camera crew to create a finalist video. We were more excited about telling our story than we were about getting a home, because we realized that our story would give a voice to thousands, perhaps millions, of people who didn’t have one. The producer came to our home and filmed us as a family at home as well as doing our dancing and different things in our community. From spring through the summer, they contacted us frequently to inform us that we were still in the running..
Our situation was different than those of other selected families. As a matter of fact, there were two families in NH who had been selected in the past. Most people had their own homes, which were then remodeled. We did not have a home of our own, but they were still interested in us. They also reached out to the City of Manchester and the alderman in our area. The city initially said yes to donating land for building a home. All of these discussions were happening without our knowledge. At times, the directors of the show spoke to two of our friends whom we had designated to arrange logistics in the event we were selected. Things were looking good. And by early fall my family was chosen to receive a new home. But they didn’t tell us right away because there were some complications that arose with the city. Apparently an alderman changed his mind and decided to vote against donating the land after all. And that was that. The show could not move forward. I am not sure exactly what occurred that changed the alderman's point of view but I do know that some leaders in Manchester and New Hampshire were unsympathetic to refugees. In fact, the mayor had asked for a moratorium on refugee resettlement in the city. Since the premise of our episode on the show was to highlight our story of escaping war and finding a voice in the state, as well as to honor our mother for all her hard work, I can only speculate that this played a role in reneging on the land deal. This wasn’t the end of my relationship with ABC.
In October of 2010, I was in my college dorm room preparing for a quiz when I received a phone call from a producer of the TV show “Dancing with The Stars.” The call caught me completely off guard.
“We got your story from the producers of ‘Extreme Makeover: Home Edition’ and we want to feature you in our show,” the producer said. “ Would you be interested in performing with your brothers to honor your mother?”
I was shocked. “I’ll have to talk to my family first,” I said. “I’ll get back to you.”
“Do what you got to do,” he said. “But keep it under your hat that the idea is to honor your mom.” His tone was conspiratorial.
“Got it,” I said.
An appearance on “Dancing with The Stars.” I couldn’t believe it. I called my brothers and mother and told them the good news, that the show wanted to do a segment on us. My brothers were excited. My mother sounded less enthusiastic but said she was fine about. I don’t think she knew how big a deal this was. This was national television on a top rated show.
I called the producer back told him we were all in. He told me they also wanted us to perform, but not to tell my mother about that either so it would be a surprise for her. He said he would send a producer and film crew that weekend to shoot the segment, and the following week we would fly out to LA to be on the live show. He also mentioned that Kym Johnson, one of the professional dancers, was going to fly out to Manchester to work with us to co-choreograph the segment. I was excited and shocked that all of this was happening.
Even though we lost the opportunity for a new home, another door opened. That's one of the funny and wonderful things I’ve discovered about perseverance. When you bust your butt to succeed in one area, you create this kind of magnetic field around you that draws to you all these other opportunities that you never imagined. Like this “Dancing with Stars” gig. We didn’t know the gig itself would ever happen. Then when it did, we didn’t know all of this stuff was happening on the back end. But it all started to make sense when I framed my perseverance as the connection between everything. And now my family was going to have the chance to tell our story to millions of people.
So Kym Johnson and I co-choreographed the segment dance and we rehearsed in Manchester with my brothers without my mother knowing. The following week we flew out to LA for the show. We detoured for an awesome time in Disneyland first. Then we rehearsed on stage and met all the contestants for that season, including Rick Fox, Brandy, Kurt Warner, Jennifer Grey and Kyle Massey. We even got a chance to meet John Legend and Jason Derulo who performed that week, too,. Surprising, it did not feel shocking being on the show anymore. In fact, it felt like that was where we belonged. We were not scared to perform. We were pumped to be on the show.
Meanwhile, the news spread back home that we were going to be on the show. Close friends sent Facebook messages wishing us luck, which made us feel more like stars. We sat in the audience with our mother, but just before our segment aired, my brothers and I were sent backstage. Our video story was playing on the big screen while we prepared to perform our dance with the professional dancers. It was a surreal feeling. We were ready to tear the floor up. Then the music started. It was a Cha Cha/Hip Hop fusion. We started to dance.
The professional dancers of the show were the real deal. I remembered some of them from the TV show “So You Think You Can Dance.” We all had solos in the dance and my brother Vinny finished his session with an amazing front flip. We received a standing ovation from the audience. It was a great moment for me and my brothers, but what it really represented was all the hard work my mother put in raising us and keeping us safe.
Later, we met some of the producers of the “Extreme Makeover” show who shared our story with the DWTS producers. They said they were sorry things didn't work out with the city officials in Manchester. I told them I was grateful for the opportunity they offered us to share our story and talents with millions of viewers.
On the flight home, I thought about what happened with the Manchester alderman who blocked my family from getting a home. And I concluded that it didn’t matter. I did not need them to give us land. We never relied on people to hand us stuff and we were not going to start now by begging officials to donate property. From that day on, I knew my quest was to buy a home of my own. I never doubted that it was possible. I just knew I needed to finish school and get a job first.
I did not have a credit card in college, so after graduation I decided to finance a vehicle to build my credit. My mother and my father-in-law co-signed car loans for my wife and I. I made sure I paid everything on time. The next thing I needed was an advisor to help me understand the process of buying a home. I thought it might be smart to buy a multi-family home. I reached out to a gentleman I used to go to church with, Norm, who owned many properties and flipped homes. He was open to teaching me. Six months went by and I had a great credit score, good to qualify to buy a home. I was working two jobs, a full-time job at the National Passport Center and a part-time job at the university as a learning coach. I was determined to succeed.
And I did. When I was just 22, with a loan from my in-laws for a down payment, my wife and I purchased our first home. We were able to pay our in laws the down payment back within a few months. It was a major milestone for me. And I had proven to myself it was obtainable and that I did not need help from the Manchester City officials.
Our home had two units and, within a month, we had tenants in our second floor unit. Their portion of the rent covered a lot of the mortgage. Many people who saw our home did not believe a young black man and his wife owned the place and that I was also the landlord. It was a reality they weren’t used to seeing. Those things do not faze me, because I know that, if I put my mind to something and develop the skills I need and am open to learning, I can reach my goals. People who only see the surface do not know what has shaped me or where I came from.
Perseverance is everything. You have to be able to sacrifice and put in the time to get what you want. While you are in the process of developing and building, you have to know what you need and how that differs from what you want. You do not want to put more in your mouth than what you can swallow.
The freedom of dancing freely!